A look in the mirror
Friday October 28th, 2016
Friday October 28th, 2016
Reading many articles on personal development and leadership, I recently noticed a pattern in blogs and articles that bothered me. The author of an article usually has something to present: an opinion, a model or a solution to a problem. He wants to share this inisght with others, generally with the ai mto attract new business, directly or indirectly. The set-up of many of these articles is predictable:
This pattern in fact is similar to the pattern that often emerges in my intercultural trainings. It’s a fascinating parallel. Intercultural problems come up when two people of different backgrounds and values communicate, and do not speak about their expectations of each other. What happens in this conversation is that one of the two thinks:
The above 3 steps in this intercultural example say one thing: I am right. The other person is the problem here. We often forget to look in the mirror.
In this limited view of the world, all nuance is gone. We think in black and white. I am right, so the other one must be wrong. I know how things should be done (because I’m from headquarters, or because I have experience with this way of working), so you should work according to my way. And in spite of our good intentions, we put ourselves in a superior position and judge the behavior of the other person in a negative way.
What is often forgotten in this situation is to ask questions. We are so convinced of our superior position, that we don’t ask anymore for the other point of view. We advocate our own view and forget to inquire with the other person for their point of view, and how they came tot his view. That’s why in trainings I spend a lot of time on this aspect. Rather than going into the do’s and dont’s of working with other cultures, I help participants to look in the mirror. What’s the effect you have on others? Could it be that you are at fault, not well informed or simply too biased. I teach people how to let go of bias, look at the world in a more nuanced way where different points-of-view are welcomed and help them open up their mind and get communication back on track.
This is also the point of view that I take in my book Managing through a Mirror: the title says it all. Effectiveness in working with people from other cultures is achieved when first looking at your own behavior and the impact you have on others. Only then will you be able to constructively engage in conversation with the other person. The mirror is a useful tool in my workshops.
Now that we have arrived at this stage of this article, I want to ask you to go back to the start of this article, and realise what happened. I criticised the way articles and blogs are usually built up, as these always seem to follow the same pattern. Exactly the pattern that I used myself in this blog, promoting my own intercultural work:
1. My colleagues usually take the wrong approach in intercultural work; their views are incomplete
2. My point of view is better: I help people look in the mirror first, adn that leads tob better results
I see this pattern too often in blogs. Including my own.